357 days in 2007---my memoir

Dear all,

I know I know...It has been a really really long time since I've posted here and now that I have sometime to ruminate over the past 357 days in this year, I felt that it is prudent to blog down my learnings, my experiences, my highs and lows....

Yes yes, my last few posts have been kidn of heavy, but then thats okay...In as much as this post is about telling u , it is also about having a 2007 memoir for myself ....A great year on many counts and I will get into more details as I start getting my thoughts together...

2006 : Yes, I know that i got a job in an industry that I always wanted to try out; yes, I've gotten back in touch with few of my very close pals; yes, I've lost touch with few of my friends that have made my life special since graduating from rectrichy...this is life, i guess - u win some and u lose some...:)

2007: Continued keeping in touch with few of my close pals, got a promotion, my sister got married, life's good and I've never been more at peace with myself...

[but then, last night i was up really really late (coz I knew there was no work to be done at office, yes, I am officially off the hook till Jan 1st) and chatting/orkutting with few of my friends in India and thinking about what DID I do in 2007? Did I achieve what I wanted? Where am I lacking? It is good to have these introspecting moments right? ]

So, on a first glance, it is fairly easy to conclude that 2007 was a much better year than 2006...

But then, do we always have to compare present year v/s. previous year and hope that next year will be better...naah -> I dont think so....by doing this, I believe i will always end up in this never ending quest for improving myself....Yes, comparison is good but comparison is not the end all, be all. It is just one of the many drivers that make each day special...

So, 2007 was definitely a very "constructive" year for me....naah, not about the material aspects of life.,..about the equally important (which for some reason, I am too shy to admit) spiritual and relationship aspect of life...

and i call it a very "constructive" year for me coz I definitely performed below par on this (i use singular coz i believe that both these aspects are so intertwined that it is hard to draw a hard line between them) aspect and most importantly, I very well knew all the time that I was screwing up...(will be honest, didnt just get the "time" to fix it...the cynical u might think that it was not on my priority list and guess what, maybe you r right)

The spiritual/relationship perspective: it is very hard to define this aspect...for me, it is about Anil Kuruganti as a "package"...

What is this "package" -> a combination of Anil Kuruganti -
1) as an individual - my thought processes, my actions and my mannerisms
2) as an only son to my parents who have 4 absolutely wonderful children and have supported us at the every juncture/decision,
3) as a brother for three absolutely loving sisters who I must admit have pampered me beyond belief, given in to my whims, and respected my independence/thought process at every point ,
4) as a friend,
5) as a contributor to society

what has this "package" done so far this year...how has he positively influenced someone/been influenced by someone else...I don't have answers to these questions but I do know that I could have done much better....maybe, my reluctance to change status quo clashes with the "forward looking" me ..i mean why would one go out of his/her way to fix something that, on the face of it, seems to be working absolutely fine...(remember, "don't try to fix anythign that is working")...On the other hand, the "forward looking" me says that it is only when I explore the so far unknown paths will I realize what is good for me and what could be better...

So, in brief, i will summarize the 357 days of my life this year:


The highs: my sister got married, family get together after a really really long time, my promotion, my extreme success in keeping in touch with my close friends, my ability to not get addicted to the high flying happening night life in the city without seeing a reason to be drawn to it, yes i've gone clubbing many weekends this year but there are 52 weekends in a year and i have probably spent 10% of those weekends in a club...(i am not against it, just that there hasn't been a strong enough motive to do so. I mean - it is good to go clubbing once a while but not everyweekend right? Is life all about clubbing?) clubbing is just a means to achieve an end - Happiness...and there are other means to achieve that end too...I would've done it if someone i love liked it and I need a reason to hang out with them...

The lows: that i could spend only 3 weeks with my parents this year (and that means I've spent 3 weeks with them in past three and half years!!!!) and for the first time in my life when i was leaving hydee for U.S. after my sister's marriage - i acutally felt like getting out of the airport and moving back and staying with my parents...thank god, I didn't...it was just one of those moments...a strong and a proud moment...a strong moment - coz my parents always have always wanted the four of us to be independent, to live life on our own terms and be happy...a proud moment coz I realized that in as much as i value independence (till i settle down of course), and i like taking decisions on my own, I realized that I have strong pillars of support around myself that I can always fall back upon (and this has definitely given me the extra cushion to take on more risks/enjoy much more than I should have)...

Another low point of my life was one of my fundamental beliefs that came crashing to ground over the course of the past one year...I've always believed that it is important to be surrounded by people who love me, who like me ....What could be more satisfying than the fact that no matter how big of an ass***e you are to them, they will always love u...but this fundamental belief has come crashing to the ground...As we mature and realize that we are responsible for our deeds/what goes around comes around, our conscience CANNOT digest the fact that we r taking someone for granted...We have absolutely no right to control someone else's life if we do NOT fundamentally like that person...

At the same time, if i like a person, I have decided that I will go out of my way to tell the person that I like her/him...I will absolutely respect their independence and will do so going forward.... Of late, and i will be absolutely honest here, I've not been very assertive and quick in expressing my opinions on this front..Going forward, I will...

The learnings: Once we achieve a near term goal at work, then we need to take our foot off the gas pedal. else, we will continue to over burn ourselves in our quest to achieve success in our careers. Is career the only thing we were supposed to pursue from day one? Yes, a very important aspect of life, but not the ONLY aspect of life....This said, till I got my promottion, I was grinding my a** of at work, trying ti impress everyone and was really really kicked when i was promoted...But gradually the feeling sinks in and you realize that this is just another milestone at work...Was it really worth slogging sooo much ? Yes and no...yes -> coz it reaffirms my belief that if I want something, I have the desire and the passion to achieve it...No -> coz it makes me wonder that is that "title" and the extra paycheck worth the effort...Who knows -> time may or may not tell.. The whole word does it and at times, I play by the book....However, at times, I am a maverick too....

I have done stuff over the past one month that if some crystal ball had told me in september that "Anil, ur nov/dec looks like this....." and then i wud've laughed it away...If I ever confide in someone who knows me really really well about what I've done in the past 2-3 weeks, then they wudn't believe it and if they did, they wud've asked me to take an appointment with a psychiatrist.. and this is only cuz they wudn't believe that "Anil Kuruganti" wud'v edone something like this....i will never tell them of course and i will never reveal this is my blog, but guess what - I look back upon my past 2-3 weeks and I feel absolutely proud coz i believe i have now changed (for the good ofcourse)...its not hat i did something absolutely perfect -> As a matter of fact, I THINK i screwed up and for the first time in my life, I tried to make ammends for something that I think i scrwed up...U all might be thinking - what the hell is Anil talking about?

Sometimes, we know we screwed up; sometimes, we think we screwed up -> I used the word "think" coz we might have not screwed up from our perspective but we might have screwed up from someone else's perspective...THis I think is the my most important takeaway from 2007..."Anil, just coz u dont believe u screwed up doesnt mean that u have not screwed up...If u've screwed up from a different person's perspective (from a perspective of someone u like/trust/admire/respect), then it is equivalent to u screwing up and u need to apologize!!!!" ... This learning looks pretty simple on paper, but my friend, to put into practise takes a lot of courage, humility and needless to say, patience !!!!

I love life -> its nuances, the curveballs it throws at us -> i wish i live till 125 coz if I've learnt so much ovet the past 27 yrs, i wonder how much more i will learn by the time i cut my cake on sept 16, 2105!!!

anyways, more later... Wish you all a very very happy xmas and new year...

take care,
love
me!!!

p.s. : somehow i have this feeling that i will post in 2008 december...i will keep my fingers crossed and pray that this feeling turns out to be false and i post before 2008 december...